Saturday, December 14, 2013
I have so many things to do... and I do anything. I have never felt so down as I do today. Down is a nice way to put it. Everything I believed, everything I hoped and wished, everything I dreamed of is slowly fading away in front of me... and now I have no reference points, no goal, no direction, no reason. I have become a shell. I have let the current win. I have finally decided to give in and accept everyone was right: I cannot do whatever I want without having consequences. I am not any better, any smarter, not even a little bit more special than anyone else. I tried to make my own way in this world and I failed. Miserably. Now I have responsibilities I cannot meet, debts I will never be able to pay and faces I cannot look straight to. My reckless run without looking back has come to an end. My days of feeling invincible are behind me. Looking back now I only see disappointed stares, broken doors, broken friendships, broken hearts, broken promises... and I admit I am broken too. I have made more selfish, ungrateful, unpredictable, poorly thought decisions than any person I know and up until now I had gotten away with it. So there you have it. I hope you are all happy this day has come. I give up. I am sorry to have wasted your time with this nonsense. Please do go on with your lives.